Ride Your Own Ride
When I first started riding my motorcycle I would panic going more than 25mph. I have a CanAm Spyder so that’s not a hard speed to maintain on three wheels but it’s not efficient for getting anywhere outside of my neighborhood.
I took a MSF (motorcycle safety foundations) course and almost never rode again. I felt completely out of my element. The bikes we learned on were very different from my Spyder and I had trouble controlling the speed. I left the first day in tears and feeling so defeated. At lunchtime the second day I told my husband to sell my bike. It was obvious I was never going to figure this out.
Somehow I managed to pass the course and get my license.
This meant I could now ride on my own without my husband. I struggle to learn new things when there are people around so this was great. Eventually I got to a point where I could ride on the big kid roads but I was still afraid of curves. My husband and I would ride up into the mountains on weekends and that was still really scary. There’s no room for people to get around me on some of those roads. They’re a higher speed that I was used to and people love to go much faster than that.
Any time I would see someone approaching from behind I would tense up and get nervous. I didn’t want to ruin their ride by slowing in curves and riding right at the speed limit the rest of the time. I almost quit riding many times because I would stress myself out so much worrying about being a bother to other people that it wasn’t enjoyable.
One day I took a ride on my own, focused on getting over my fears of curves. Several times someone would come up behind me and I’d start to panic. I kept hearing my husband and brother in law in my head though. “Fuck them. Ride your own ride. There’s places they can pass you. You can’t enjoy your ride if you’re worried about annoying everyone else.”
It took me awhile to get to that point but eventually I put it into practice. My husband and I would go out on rides and he’d be far ahead of me. Instead of worrying about catching up and then scaring myself in a curve, I would remind myself to ride my own ride. Sometimes even saying it out loud my own voice echoing back in my helmet.
At some point I ended up on 495 headed towards DC. That’s a big scary road in my car on my bike was a whole different experience. I loved it! Straight lines were easy to ride in. I kept pace with traffic. I waved at little kids glued to their windows watching my bike. It was so fun. I gained a lot of confidence that ride, even if it was straight lines.
A few weekends ago I went on a four hour solo ride. Part of it was up into the mountains on some not so great roads. A few times someone in a jacked up truck would come flying up behind me but I took a deep breath and rode my own ride.
It was amazing. I gained a lot of confidence in my riding ability. I took the curves at a better safer rate of speed (too slow can also be dangerous). I enjoyed the scenery. I stopped when I wanted to stop for as long as I wanted to. There were a few times I got myself into a situation I wasn’t sure how to handle (a muddy pull off for one) but I did what I thought was right and was pretty damn proud when I succeeded. Was it the way everyone would have handled it? Probably not. But I handled it the way I handled it. I rode my own ride.
I’m coming up on my 41st birthday in a week and then shortly after is my one year sober date. I don’t know the specific date but I have a guesstimate. As I celebrate these milestones it’s easy to get discouraged. I got sober in 2015 and while I have still not used pills or smoked a cigarette or had a can of pop (I quit every thing at one time), I did start drinking again in the fall of 2022. It’s easy to feel like a failure for that. It’s easy to feel like my life is not where I imagined it would be at 41 and get upset.
It’s easy to play the comparison game. But I have learned that that doesn’t get me anywhere but depressed. Instead of comparing I try to remember to ride my own ride. I’m living my life in the way that is best for me in that moment. I may not take the curves the same way everyone else does, I may not get my tires out of the mud in the most efficient way (or avoided the mud all together) but none of that matters if I am not comparing my ride to anyone else’s. I took the curves exactly the way that worked for me. I got out of the mud the way I knew I could. I stopped drinking and cut a lot of toxicity out of my life when I felt I was ready.
This is no one’s life but yours. Don’t compare. Ride your own ride. Enjoy the hell out of your ride. As long as you aren’t harming anyone, ride your ride exactly the way you want to ride it. Get unstuck the way that works for you, it doesn’t matter if someone else could have done it faster or easier. You aren’t someone else. You did it the way you do it and that is powerful.
